Where Have Been? Pt 3

If a nigga don't work [she] a f**king leech

It's me. I'm the nigga. I was (am?) a leech. But let’s backtrack a little. Remember in part 2, I mentioned quitting a job with no backup plan because I could no longer deal with the abuse? To survive that year of unemployment, I made use of my savings, my mama, and my high credit limit. That said, these things were no longer available to me when I got fired. In fact, my salary from that job was meant to help me rebuild everything I diminished.

All I had available to me this time was the $1,200 severance and unemployment benefits that wouldn’t be kicking in for another two months or so. My rent, car note, and other bills, however, couldn’t wait that long. This is when I had to do something I’d never done before—ask for monetary help.

After sending that message, I instantly turned off my phone until the next day. Shame wanted to kill me, and it almost succeeded. When I was finally brave enough to turn on my phone, I was instantly reminded of how loved and blessed I am. From the sweet messages to the Cash App and Zelle alerts… One angel even gave me her credit card information and told me to use it any time I needed to. Of course, I never went back to it after using it to help with my rent balance, but wow!

I may have lacked in romantic relationships and career trajectory, but I’ve most definitely experienced abundance in my friendships. I brag about my friends all the time, and I’ll never stop bragging. They play a major role in who I am and where I am today. Throughout this whole period of my life, they've been both generous with their pockets and with their hearts. I'm not just talking about my life-long high school and college sisters, I'm also referring to people I've very recently met. Father God, thank You for this gift You've given me.

Anyway, boy was I wrong when I said I’d be able to pay them back ASAP. In fact, none of them have been paid back yet. I’ll get into that at another time, though.

My bills were covered for a month or two, and now I could focus on getting a new job. This job search was actually different from my previous searches; I was scoring interviews back to back. I started to become so confident that I’d be getting a new job soon, that I even drafted the testimony I’d share once I started tasting the money (hopefully at least one person got what I was trying to do there with the taste the money line. If not, never mind).

Loveeeeee, so many things I gotta tell you. It did not happen like that at all. When I tell you that it was almost as though the jobs I was applying for were created specifically for me. The exact experience, education, and personality type they claimed to be looking for, I had. Then the interviews would begin, and they would ask me questions completely out of the scope of the job description.

Let me give you the perfect example. I’m more on the policy/governance side of cybersecurity and will never pretend to have any technical experience, so those aren’t the type of jobs I applied for. I came across a remote Risk & Service Provider Security Analyst position at Baylor Scott & White, and they must’ve thought I was the perfect match as well, because I was invited for an interview the very next day. While emailing back and forth, the hiring manager both revealed that they were desperate to fill this role, and warned me that during the initial interview, I should expect a 5-question quiz. I ended up passing that quiz with flying colors.

The main interview, however, was a different story. Maybe she wasn’t expecting a nigger because she was extremely cold towards me. She immediately started firing technical questions at me, when according to the job description, this was not a technical position in the slightest. I knew she had no intention of giving me a chance when she asked me what TCP/IP, FTP, and HTTP were, and when I correctly responded, “internet protocols,” she told me I was wrong. Girl, how? Less than an hour later, I received a rejection email. Hey, at least they didn’t ghost me like the one company who put me through seven interviews while offering only $40K.

I shouldn’t even say, “only $40K,” because I was willing to accept ANYTHING as long as I was able to pay my bills. I wasn’t just applying for cybersecurity jobs; I applied at grocery stores, home health care agencies, schools—none of them were interested. And as far as the few companies who were interested, I would get to the final round of the interview process with them hyping me up along the way, only for them to decide to go with another candidate. Sounds exactly like my love life, actually.

Speaking of which, I continued dating the entire time because I can’t come and kill myself, and in the process, learned a lot about the average man. That is, a man will only desire you as long as you remain the best version of yourself during the dating phase. In order to be wifey material, you have to accept him during his low moments, but God forbid you’re sad or depressed and need him to step up emotionally. That’s the ultimate betrayal. How dare I need a man in that way when the main reason he was attracted to me in the first place, was that I quickly fulfilled that role in his life? That’s a different story for a different post, however.

Long story short, I wasn’t able to find work, my unemployment benefits had run out, and I had drained my 401k and investments. In between periods of deep depression and anxiety, however, I tried my best to remain social and have fun. I’ll never forget, I got dressed down to attend some type of festival. I was completely feeling myself that day. I remember strutting to the garage to get into my car and go, only for my car to not be in there. To make it worse, it was a weekend, so there was nobody to call for me to figure out where it went. With only $2,000 left on my car note, and the fact that I’d been paying small amounts towards it monthly, I never expected my car to get repossessed, but that’s exactly what happened. Again, a great friend, my mama, and the last of my available credit were the reasons why I have my car back today.

Ugh, unfortunately, I have to end this story here because it’s getting too long. I wanted to condense it all, but too much has happened these past couple of years. Please stick around; I promise it’s worth it. In fact, let me even give you a sneak peek into next week’s post: I met a man who randomly offered and promised to pay my bills until I landed on my feet. Meet me in part 4 to find out what happened!