Curiosity Killed The Dog (Part 1)

Guys, I did something embarrassing for science, or for love, or for the science of love... Whatever. Just hear me out.

I don't need to remind you that I've had trouble with dating. After all, you're reading this from my blog about my abysmal dating history. However, I'm going to remind you anyway. My dating life has sucked since God blessed me with the dreaded curse of being straight. The best thing a man has ever done for me is disappoint me, yet I still keep seeking them out like a glutton for punishment.

I've spoken to my parents about it, to my friends, to my therapists—hell, I even became a therapist (I'll fill you in on this development at a later date). Last but not least, I've spoken to God about it on countless occasions, but I still can't tell if He's silently instructing me to be patient or loudly telling me to become a nun.

Throughout the years, one piece of advice that I've received from a large majority of these sources is to go on the dating apps. Which is interesting, because out of the million people I know, only about five of them have ever had a successful relationship blossom from the apps. Still, I've reluctantly given it a try for the sake of trying.

2019 was my first attempt. I met this gorgeous, successful man on Tinder. We had a great coffee date and both seemed excited about getting to know one another. So naturally, I asked him what he was looking for. When this man responded with, "good sex and good vibes," I knew immediately that I wasn't going to find what I was looking for on there.

So I decided to delete the apps.

In 2020, COVID-19 came swinging, and the internet (plus low-grade alcoholism) was all we had to keep us going. I had just moved to Philly, my Philly girlfriends already had boyfriends, and I didn't have anything to lose. Long shorty short, it wasn't the worst experience—the Philly niggas gave me all that Philly niggas have to give, which was essentially nothing.

So I decided to delete the app.

In 2021, I was presented with the opportunity to blindly move to Tulsa, where I would not know a single soul. While it's always been easy for me to make girlfriends, it's been even easier for me to make male friends. Men only hate me when it's time to love me. With that in mind, I took to the apps again so I would have a guy friend to help me with the transition. I ended up meeting a lovely man who picked me up from the airport when I arrived, drove me to see my apartment for the first time, and took me out to lunch the very next day. We remained friends throughout my entire time in Tulsa. Turns out he was the only normal, straight, Black man in the whole city.

So I decided to delete the apps.

Then, when I moved to Dallas in 2022, I chose to employ the same strategy. From there I met—and became close with—the friend of a guy who deserves his own blog post, but I will spare him. In fact, I encountered many men... many, many, many many men, who wished death on me. That was a dark time that I'm not ready to expose just yet, if ever.

So I decided to delete the apps.

If you've read my last few posts, you know that I currently live in Minneapolis. This time, I was on the apps looking for guys and girls. I was desperate to form community immediately. I don't have it in me to begin describing how odd the state of Minnesota is, but the most I can say right now is that there are a total of five Black men who like Black women in the whole state. Of the five Black men, none of them are attractive, and all of them are meek and timid.

So I decided to delete the apps.

During my first year in Minneapolis, I basically flewed myself out once a week to spend time with the communities I left behind while trying to find myself. Note that these cities I frequented are known for being home to Black men who like Black women—and they sure did like me. Baby, the men would be salivating and chasing me around like puppies from the moment I stepped off the plane. And while, yes, I wasn't interested in them, I was reminded of the fact that I am desirable—but dating is a numbers game. Unfortunately, I have dyscalculia in Minneapolis. The entire experience confirmed to me that I have a greater chance of finding the love of my life once I'm back on the East Coast.

So I decided to never download the apps again.

I'll be back tomorrow for part 2 because the lie detector determined—that was a lie.