Cheating with Permission

Okay, so unlike my last post, this title is click-bait and you weaklings fell for it.

Today we're actually talking about ethical non-monogamy (ENM). I’m just going to assume that most of you have limited knowledge on what ENM is. I will even go ahead and suggest that 99% of those of you reading this post had never heard the term before today. Well, thank God for me, because I’m here to make you all smarter. You’re welcome.

This post is going to be different from all of my other posts, because a majority of it is going to be plagiarized. Why should I bother doing the work, when someone else has already taken the time to do it? I will first, however, provide you with my personal definition of what ENM is before I essentially copy and paste a really informative article I found on Google.

ENM, to me and as the name may strongly suggest, is the practice of engaging in romantic relationships with multiple people who are all aware of and have formally given their consent to participate. This is what separates ENM from cheating—it’s consensual rather than a stab in the back. Ariane Resnick, CNC states that, “ENM can present in a relationship in many different ways. It may involve one person acting outside of the relationship or both parties doing that. It may involve only sexual connections with others, only romantic connections, or both romantic and sexual connections.” Ultimately, ENM can look like whatever the parties involved want it to look like—there’s no one way to practice the lifestyle.

There are multiple types of ENM, but again, it is an umbrella term that is not limited to the following options (note - here’s where I start plagiarizing for real, for real):

Polyamory - probably the most well-known version of ENM and the lifestyle I happen to currently be exploring. Polyamory is the practice of having or being open to multiple romantic relationships with the knowledge and consent of everyone involved. Polyamory is founded on the belief that love is not finite and that connecting deeply with others should not be restricted to a single partner with whom we can explore emotionally and physically intimate relationships. Polyamorous relationships rely on communication between parties about matters from safe sex to emotions. Polyamory may involve a long-term commitment to more than one person simultaneously. The word polycule is often used to describe a connected polyamorous network.

Open Relationships - unlike polyamory, open relationships do not generally involve a commitment to parties outside of a two-person relationship. This relationship model is most known for partners being able to pursue outside sexual connections, but it may involve romantic and/or emotional connections with others as well. However, these are usually conducted under the premise that the primary, two-person relationship is the most prioritized.

Relationship Anarchy - a model wherein the people involved don't use hierarchical terms for partners or think of them in terms of priority. It contrasts with relationship hierarchy, in which there is a primary relationship that gets most of a person's attention. In relationship anarchy, everyone is equal. An individual won't necessarily view a romantic relationship as more important than a friendship, and they may not even categorize their relationships as strictly platonic, romantic, and/or sexual. This model is centered around personal freedom and autonomy.

Monogamish - the term for couples who are mostly monogamous but occasionally take part in outside sexual relationships. People who are monogamish tend to focus on outside sexual encounters only, not romantic connections with others besides their partner. They also may go long periods of time in between outside sexual encounters.

Polygamy - when one person has multiple spouses. This can be one husband having multiple wives or one wife with multiple husbands, but it is best known as the former.

Like I said earlier, I am currently exploring polyamory. Well, it turns out that there are also multiple types of polyamory. The nine common types of polyamory are triad, quad, vee, solo polyamory, polycule, hierarchical poly, anchor partners, kitchen-table poly, and parallel poly. This post is already long as hell, so you can find the definitions of the various types of polyamory here. At this point in time, I'm more attracted to hierarchal poly. I’m looking for a primary partner with whom I’ll cohabitate, combine finances, and have children, but I’m completely open to us exploring secondary romantic connections if that’s where life takes us. Until I find that primary partner, I’ll be practicing solo polyamory, meaning I’ll have multiple partnerships that are not defined in a hierarchical manner.

And you know what? Let me make this clear for those of you who assume that polyamory is all about sex. Can it be all about sex? Yes, if that's how the participant wants it to be. Is it, by definition, all about sex? Absolutely not, and that's the type of polyamory I'm choosing to practice. If you know anything about me, you know how much I value interpersonal relationships. Long-story short, I don't want to limit how I can give and receive love if I don't have to. If sex with multiple people is your thing, more power to you; just be safe. As for me and my household...

I was so excited when I realized and accepted that I don’t have to force myself into a box. There are a multitude of ways you can choose to live your romantic life outside of monogamy or monogamy with a side of cheating. Polyamory makes sense for me and the stage of life I find myself in. If monogamy makes sense for you, that's great! But if this post piqued your interest, even just little bit, start looking within yourself to figure out what you want your life to look like. At the end of the day, it is your life, and a very short one at that. Do whatever makes you content, baby.