Where Have I Been? Pt 4

9 months had passed, I still hadn't found work, and I had completely run out of money. Since I got fired, my parents had been urging me to move in with one of them. For reference, my parents divorced when I was 7. At the time, we were living in England, and although my dad took custody of me, my mum literally lived around the corner.

Then when I was 14 years old, my dad moved us to the US after meeting and marrying another woman who lived here. I stopped living with my dad in 2015 when he decided to leave our apartment in PG County and move into his house in Baltimore. And although I filed for my mum to join me in the US in 2016, she went her own way after a couple of months. That said, I hadn't lived full-time with my dad in about 8 years and with my mum in 22 years.

I love them both and my dad is my very best friend, but I felt as though I had valid reasons for not wanting to live with either of them. I'm uncomfortable speaking on exactly why I didn't want to live with my dad, but please trust me when I say that living with him would not have put me in a better position than where I was at the time.

In fact, friends and family were trying to pull some strings for me to get employment if I moved back to Maryland, but I still stand on that being a very bad decision for my mental health. If we're close, you can ask me why and I'll gladly share, but that's one thing I'll never expose on the internet.

As for my mum, she and I don't have the typical mother-daughter relationship. She knows the 7-year-old version of me, and her personality type has prevented her from getting to know who I am now. The result is that we're like strangers who butt heads a lot. She's been generous with her money, of which she doesn’t have much. For that, I'm extremely grateful. Unfortunately, she's not free with her heart, and that’s what I need the most from my mother. So even though she was willing to share her one-bedroom apartment in Minnesota with me, I knew I'd be quite miserable living there.

But life left me with no other choice when I found a notice on my door giving me 3 days to move out because I was a month behind on rent. I think one of the biggest things I learned throughout this journey is that Texas hates poor people, because Maryland would never. Anyway, that was my cue to leave, but I wasn't going to let them push me out in 3 days.

That's when I sought out a legal aid housing attorney. I was going to leave the apartment, but I was going to leave on my terms because I'm hardheaded. When I didn't leave within the 3 days, the landlords began the eviction proceedings, and I was assigned a court date. I spoke with the lawyer over the phone a few times, sent him all my so-called evidence, and agreed to meet him at the courthouse an hour before I was due to stand in front of the judge.

We both knew I didn't have a case for real, but that didn't stop either of us. Little did I know, my lawyer had something spicy up his sleeve. We were called up to the stand, and immediately the lawyer hits the judge with, "sir, these niggas haven't paid their taxes," or something along those lines. The whole court gasped, the apartment representatives were shook, and I felt like I was on an episode of Judge Judy.

The judge called my lawyer and the apartment's lawyer to the bench. I don't know what he whispered to them, but the eventual agreement was that the apartment representatives should figure out why their taxes haven't been paid, and that we should all return to court in a couple of weeks.

That was fine by me, as it gave me enough time to start selling my furniture. The first thing to go was my TV which I sold for around $200, if I'm remembering correctly. During that time, I met a man we'll call Taiwo.

Because I'm an open book, I didn't shy away from sharing with any man who was interested in me my unfortunate situation. I genuinely wasn't expecting any of them to come and save the day, but when Taiwo heard my story, he threw on that cape so fast.

Taiwo insisted that he didn't want me to leave Dallas. I told him that I have no choice, my apartment is kicking me out, and I'm in the process of selling my furniture. He asked me how much I sold my TV for, and when I told him, he sent me $500 on the spot. Mind you, I had not even kissed this man, let alone let him sniff my drawers.  I had to get that out of the way before ya’ll start accusing me of prostitution—that’s how rumors spread.

He used to live in my building, so he already knew the cost of my rent. He told me not to worry, that I should stop selling my things, and that he'll cover my rent before I'm kicked out. I was reluctant because I barely knew this man from Adam, but he was so adamant about it that I thought maybe he was an angel sent to save me.

Remember in part 3 I mentioned that my car got repo'd? Well, by the time I paid the balance to get it back, they had already thrown out my license plate in preparation to sell my baby off in an auction. Taiwo was the one who took me to pay for my temporary plates until I was able to get a few things in order for the real plates.

The apartment had given me until, let's say, the 15th of the month to pay off my balance and they'd stop the eviction proceedings. The entire week leading up to the 15th, I'd ask Taiwo if he was sure about paying my rent and he kept assuring me that he'd give me the money on the 15th. He had his own business and that's when the money would be available from the business.

Girl, why the 15th came around and I heard nothing from this man? I was blowing up his phone and nothing. Finally, when the deadline had passed, he texted me to say there was some drama happening with his business and that he essentially didn't have the money. I was pissed, to say the least, and I felt completely played.

I think I handled it very well, to be honest, and my girl agreed with me. My guy friend, however, thought otherwise.

I guess Taiwo was an unserious person because that was the last time I ever heard from that man. But what do you think, dear readers? Was I wrong?

After all this, I knew for certain that God wanted me to leave Dallas and that He most likely never wanted me to be there in the first place. So, I went back to responding to those who were interested in buying my furniture, and I reluctantly confirmed with my mum that I'll be joining her in Minnesota.

The new court date had arrived and I was feeling like a baddie with my big boy lawyer by my side. Before it was our time to stand in front of the judge, the apartment's lawyer asked my lawyer if we could come to some type of resolution. They probably didn't get the tax issue sorted and didn't want to have to drag the whole out.

My lawyer asked for my opinion and, of course, the petty and toxic side of me wanted to make them sweat, but he advised me to just take my L. We eventually agreed that if I move out within a month's time, they wouldn't put an eviction on my record. I'm quite sure I signed an NDA as well, but oh well, that wouldn't be the first time I've breached one of those.

I’m going to end this one here. I hope you guys have been enjoying the chaos that is my life. Next week, by the grace of God, I'll be wrapping this whole saga up. You'll learn about my dramatic journey to Minnesota and what my life's been like since I've been here.

Again, thank you so much for tuning in week after week and for reaching out to me in my DMs with your kind words!

Where Have Been? Pt 3

If a nigga don't work [she] a f**king leech

It's me. I'm the nigga. I was (am?) a leech. But let’s backtrack a little. Remember in part 2, I mentioned quitting a job with no backup plan because I could no longer deal with the abuse? To survive that year of unemployment, I made use of my savings, my mama, and my high credit limit. That said, these things were no longer available to me when I got fired. In fact, my salary from that job was meant to help me rebuild everything I diminished.

All I had available to me this time was the $1,200 severance and unemployment benefits that wouldn’t be kicking in for another two months or so. My rent, car note, and other bills, however, couldn’t wait that long. This is when I had to do something I’d never done before—ask for monetary help.

After sending that message, I instantly turned off my phone until the next day. Shame wanted to kill me, and it almost succeeded. When I was finally brave enough to turn on my phone, I was instantly reminded of how loved and blessed I am. From the sweet messages to the Cash App and Zelle alerts… One angel even gave me her credit card information and told me to use it any time I needed to. Of course, I never went back to it after using it to help with my rent balance, but wow!

I may have lacked in romantic relationships and career trajectory, but I’ve most definitely experienced abundance in my friendships. I brag about my friends all the time, and I’ll never stop bragging. They play a major role in who I am and where I am today. Throughout this whole period of my life, they've been both generous with their pockets and with their hearts. I'm not just talking about my life-long high school and college sisters, I'm also referring to people I've very recently met. Father God, thank You for this gift You've given me.

Anyway, boy was I wrong when I said I’d be able to pay them back ASAP. In fact, none of them have been paid back yet. I’ll get into that at another time, though.

My bills were covered for a month or two, and now I could focus on getting a new job. This job search was actually different from my previous searches; I was scoring interviews back to back. I started to become so confident that I’d be getting a new job soon, that I even drafted the testimony I’d share once I started tasting the money (hopefully at least one person got what I was trying to do there with the taste the money line. If not, never mind).

Loveeeeee, so many things I gotta tell you. It did not happen like that at all. When I tell you that it was almost as though the jobs I was applying for were created specifically for me. The exact experience, education, and personality type they claimed to be looking for, I had. Then the interviews would begin, and they would ask me questions completely out of the scope of the job description.

Let me give you the perfect example. I’m more on the policy/governance side of cybersecurity and will never pretend to have any technical experience, so those aren’t the type of jobs I applied for. I came across a remote Risk & Service Provider Security Analyst position at Baylor Scott & White, and they must’ve thought I was the perfect match as well, because I was invited for an interview the very next day. While emailing back and forth, the hiring manager both revealed that they were desperate to fill this role, and warned me that during the initial interview, I should expect a 5-question quiz. I ended up passing that quiz with flying colors.

The main interview, however, was a different story. Maybe she wasn’t expecting a nigger because she was extremely cold towards me. She immediately started firing technical questions at me, when according to the job description, this was not a technical position in the slightest. I knew she had no intention of giving me a chance when she asked me what TCP/IP, FTP, and HTTP were, and when I correctly responded, “internet protocols,” she told me I was wrong. Girl, how? Less than an hour later, I received a rejection email. Hey, at least they didn’t ghost me like the one company who put me through seven interviews while offering only $40K.

I shouldn’t even say, “only $40K,” because I was willing to accept ANYTHING as long as I was able to pay my bills. I wasn’t just applying for cybersecurity jobs; I applied at grocery stores, home health care agencies, schools—none of them were interested. And as far as the few companies who were interested, I would get to the final round of the interview process with them hyping me up along the way, only for them to decide to go with another candidate. Sounds exactly like my love life, actually.

Speaking of which, I continued dating the entire time because I can’t come and kill myself, and in the process, learned a lot about the average man. That is, a man will only desire you as long as you remain the best version of yourself during the dating phase. In order to be wifey material, you have to accept him during his low moments, but God forbid you’re sad or depressed and need him to step up emotionally. That’s the ultimate betrayal. How dare I need a man in that way when the main reason he was attracted to me in the first place, was that I quickly fulfilled that role in his life? That’s a different story for a different post, however.

Long story short, I wasn’t able to find work, my unemployment benefits had run out, and I had drained my 401k and investments. In between periods of deep depression and anxiety, however, I tried my best to remain social and have fun. I’ll never forget, I got dressed down to attend some type of festival. I was completely feeling myself that day. I remember strutting to the garage to get into my car and go, only for my car to not be in there. To make it worse, it was a weekend, so there was nobody to call for me to figure out where it went. With only $2,000 left on my car note, and the fact that I’d been paying small amounts towards it monthly, I never expected my car to get repossessed, but that’s exactly what happened. Again, a great friend, my mama, and the last of my available credit were the reasons why I have my car back today.

Ugh, unfortunately, I have to end this story here because it’s getting too long. I wanted to condense it all, but too much has happened these past couple of years. Please stick around; I promise it’s worth it. In fact, let me even give you a sneak peek into next week’s post: I met a man who randomly offered and promised to pay my bills until I landed on my feet. Meet me in part 4 to find out what happened!

Where Have I Been? Pt 2

This is a story all about how my life got twisted upside down

One thing about me, the moment anything negative happens in my life, I immediately and confidently put my trust in God. But I typically only give God about a week to make something shake before the depression and anxiety kick in full force.

This is a developing story about how God has been steering me towards a particular direction for years, but I wasn't tuned in enough with the Holy Spirit to understand that. Before I expound on this, let's continue where we left off in part 1.

I realize that I never went into detail about how The Director Who Shall Be Named, Anthony Martinez, went about breaking the news of my termination. It was a very busy work day for me. My first meeting of many was scheduled for 7 a.m. with a client in India and there were a few reports that I needed to finalize for the last phases of some other projects I was on.

At some point in the morning, Anthony had added a 1:1 meeting to my calendar. I didn't think anything of it because we would meet at least three times a week for him to literally tell me how I'm not good enough without offering any suggestions on how I can improve.

I ended up having to cancel the first meeting request because a client call was put on my calendar. Anthony sent another request. Again, an urgent client call was put on my calendar causing me to cancel Anthony's meeting. The devil wouldn't let up, and he sent me a third request, this time for towards the end of the workday.

I thought this man must get off on making me feel like shit because why was he so pressed? I was completely naive and clueless (as I, unfortunately, tend to be at times) about Anthony's agenda until the HR lady's face popped up in the video call.

Anthony began the meeting by saying how I haven't been meeting expectations. I took that opportunity to ask him what expectations he was referring to, as I had done many times before. His response was, "I can't get into that right now; you should already know." From there, the HR lady began her spiel about my severance as well as instructions for me to email them everything I'd been working on.

II'd never been fired in my life, so the whole situation threw me for a loop. Of course, being the person that I am, I cried, threatened legal action, and hung up on them before the call was officially over. Once my tears temporarily dried up, I sent over the information they asked for:

Yes, I was very dramatic, but that was just the beginning. I also decided that it was time for me to write my first ever LinkedIn post. Before I could get to drafting my diss post, I was met with a bunch of follow requests from my now former colleagues. I guess the news had dropped.

As soon as I accepted the requests, my inbox was flooded with people expressing their shock and sorrow. It wasn't just people on my level, either. There were people higher up, but on different teams who I'd had the chance to work with, apologizing for how the company treated me and offering references should I need them. None of them could understand why I was let go because they were the ones who worked with me directly. They knew I was great at what I did.

Honestly, I could dedicate all of part three of this story to the LinkedIn post that I wrote, but instead, I'll just give you the main gist of it. I essentially talked about how the corporate world has not been kind to me despite the fact that I mind my business and submit excellent work.

I brought up my first real job post-undergrad and how abusive my boss was. She would literally yell and scream at me, treat me as though I were useless, and refuse to grant me help when I was burned out. I spent three of the four years I was there looking for new employment, but I can count on one hand how many interviews I was offered during that time. Eventually, I couldn't take it anymore and I quit without a backup plan. It took me exactly a year after quitting to finally find a new job.

That job wasn't bad at all, but again my managers assumed I was an idiot. By then, I had two master's degrees under my belt and was more qualified than them, but they would never let me send out emails to clients without getting their approval first. When creating reports, I would plagiarize from one of my manager's old reports, but when it was time for her to review them, she would tear them apart thinking they were my words, not hers.

The final straw for me at that company was when everyone on my team was asked to come up with a research project, and the entire team would take on the best idea. I realized, by looking at our numbers, that the members of our site were mostly elderly white women, and that was skewing the data in the research we were conducting for our clients.

My idea won, but when it was presented to the higher-ups for a budget, the whole project was shut down. In fact, one of them said that they wouldn't be spending money on a "pet project." Yeah, well that was until George Floyd was murdered, and all of a sudden companies realized that black lives had to matter in order for them to maintain their profits. Suddenly, my idea went from a pet project to a company-wide initiative.

I summarized, in my LinkedIn post, how these experiences affected my self-esteem in the workplace. I know I'm smart, I know I'm hard-working, but I was never treated as such. I explained how the same held true for my most recent company and I was ultimately terminated.

Everyone, and I mean everyone who interacted with my post, advised me to take it down, but I refused. This was real life and I needed both previous and future employers to understand that I'm a human being and I can no longer take the mistreatment. If that meant lowering my chances of being hired, so be it, because moving forward, I was unwilling to work anywhere that planned to treat me similarly.

Apparently, the company wasn't fond of my post either, because days later I received an NDA in my email, requesting that I no longer speak about the company publicly and in return, they'll offer me additional severance pay. I didn't respond.

Okay, that was a lot, so I'll do you all a favor and stop here. Tune in next week (maybe) for part three. My life is a movie, so you absolutely can't miss the rest of this series.